Maybe I Wanted To
by ZombiePrincessAlexandra
Summary: Elizabeth is a young, outgoing girl from London. Haunted by night terrors and a raging father, all she can take solace in is knowing she has her one friend in the woods.
1. Chapter 1

I slipped softly into the numbness,

Down,

Down,

Down,

Through a deep cloud of blue.

The blood flowed, even though they tried to stop it. I knew I had cut too deep, but that was what made this so wonderful: it was intentional.

Maybe you want an explanation as to why a beautiful young woman, who had it all, would take her life. Yes, on the outside I did have it all: both living parents, money, jewels, a huge mansion, and the prospect of marriage on the horizon. But to realize the pain, the suffering I endured, would take a lifetime. What? You have time? Then let me begin.

I was born in a quiet townhouse on the outskirts of London. My parents, Merriam and Richard Wainscott, were wealthy merchants. They brought me back to their mansion, where my own private hell began.

When I was seven years old, it started. The horrors in the night. I would scream and cry for no reason, and wouldn't be able to breathe properly. My father became sick of it, threatened to have me committed to an asylum. It wasn't as though I could help it, though. My father began to beat me when I would scream, bruises, blue and red and purple, blossomed on my pale, milky skin. My mother tried to stop them, but he beat her, too, and she was silenced. When my father would beat me, she would stand in the doorway, tears slipping silently down her face. When he left she would tend to me. It became routine to wear high-collared dresses and astonishing amounts of powder.

One night it became too much for me to bear, and I ran into the streets. I wandered into the forest, footsteps plainly visible in the new-fallen snow. When I reached a fallen tree, I stopped, gasping for air. I sat down, just wanting a bit of rest before I returned to hell. As I sat there, a small blue butterfly flitted through the air, coming to land on a small, frozen flower. I frowned. Poor thing, shouldn't it have found some warmer weather by now? It was so delicate, it would surely freeze to death. I plucked the flower, and the butterfly waved its wings twice.

"There's no nectar there, little one. Perhaps my garden would be preferable." I carefully began the long journey home. When I reached the silent midnight streets, my heart rate increased. How would I deal with father when I arrived? He would be furious with me for leaving. I glanced around for a place to hide, when something small caught my eye. There were several butterflies, just like the one I found, fluttering near a filthy window. I tilted my head. Now why would they be there? I looked at the building. It wasn't a florist or even a fruit merchant, it was a fish market. I scaled the side of the building, my dress taking quite a beating on the way up. I peered into the grimy window, where a small glass case lay, a butterfly inside. Even more curious, I looked further into the room, where a thin boy sat, sketching away on a notepad. He had messy black hair and wide, fearful eyes. They became infinitely more fearful when he looked up and saw me. He obviously had trouble stifling a scream, and tumbled backwards out of his chair. I smiled sheepishly and pushed open the window.

"Hello. My name is Elizabeth." He sat up, clutching his chest as if his heart had stopped.

"H-hello...Elizabeth. Wh-why are you in my window?" I laughed nervously and climbed into what I can only assume was his room. It was small, and contained many beautiful butterflies.

"I was curious as to why there were so many butterflies outside your window. They're lovely." He smiled. He was rather cute, if a completely awkward klutz.

"Um, yes well, you see, I can explain..." I giggled.

"There's nothing wrong with it! Butterflies are beautiful!" He looked at his feet.

"Please don't tell my mother." I held out my hand.

"As long as you don't tell my father I was here." He took my hand.

"Deal."

After that, I began to see him regularly, and got to know him a lot better. I felt bad for him. His parents were William and Nell Van Dort, poor fish merchants who were near bankruptcy. His parents were very overprotective, and more restrictive than any of my corsets. Even at the tender age of 12, his parents were already trying to find him a suitable wife. I felt absolutely terrible for him. His mother never approved of anything, and his father was pretty much scared into submission by her. The only escapes he had were butterflies, and his dog, Scraps. He would often bring the dog with us, and we would play with him.

I ran into the small meadow, trying to find a hiding place from Victor. I climbed an old, rickety tree, and waited for him. A few minutes later, he came bounding into the clearing, calling my name. I giggled quietly. He would never find me up here! I shifted slightly, and a lump of half-melted snow fell from the branch, and landed on his head. He looked up, wiping slush from his face. I laughed.

"Awww you found me!" My joy was short-lived, though. Just as I tried to climb down, I heard a sharp crack. The branch sagged and swayed, and all the blood left my face. I tried to quickly shuffle backwards, but my panic only made it worse. There was another sharp crack, and I was falling. I screamed in horror.

"Elizabeth!" As the ground came closer and the wind whistled past my ears, I bid a silent goodbye to my family and Victor.

But the ground never came. I was left about three feet off the ground, caught by my heavy skirts. I sobbed silently. Victor ran over.

"How are we going to get you down?" I looked at him, hopeless, before my worst nightmare came true.

"Well, well, the runaway finally hangs." I peeked over. The local snot, Barkis Bittern, was staring straight at me, big ugly nose in the air.

"Please, Barkis, go away, I beg you." He walked over and kicked the tree. I swung violently but did not fall. Victor grabbed my hand and glared at him.

"Don't you have a girlfriend, Bittern?" Barkis turned red and glared at him.

"Yes, I do, but at least mine is a proper lady, one of culture. My Emily does not act like some foolish monkey. And I don't know why you waste your time with her. Last I heard, your parents were working things over with the Everglotts." Victor's face turned even paler than usual, and his hands became cold and clammy.

"Th-that's not true! My parents wouldn't!" Barkis walked off, laughing heartily. I frowned.

"The Everglotts? Like those crazy rich people that never leave their house?" Victor nodded.

"I don't want to marry their daughter. She's too proper." I frowned and thought.

"They can't make you get married. You're only twelve. It's not right." He sighed, it was the sigh of someone who had given up all hope.

"No. Not at the moment...but they can arrange it." I hugged him tightly. He stiffened slightly at first, then hugged back.

"I won't let them hurt my best friend. My only friend."


	2. Chapter 2

When I got home late that night, my father was waiting for me. I tried to run from him, but he grabbed my wrists and pulled me close. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Dad, stop, you're hurting me!" He got in my face.

"Look, you...you need to...to stop coming home so late...I barred the windows. You aren't getting out of here anymore. I know you were with that boy. He's bad news, Lizzie! He is nothing but a leech!" His rant was interrupted by the town crier.

"Emily Smith missing! Mother's jewels and wedding dress gone!" I paled. Emily never so much as left her room without permission. My father gripped my throat tightly.

"You know something about this, don't you?" I shook my head as much as I could. He glared at me, then slapped me and threw me onto the floor. He left the room as I lay there, gasping for air.

The next morning, I stumbled into the hallway, wanting a glass of water to rinse the dried blood from my mouth. I heard voices from the sitting room, and paused. It was my mother and father.

"R-Richard, maybe you're being too hard on the girl...she may just be in love!" I heard a loud, resounding smack, and my mother began sobbing.

"Never in all my life have I heard something so stupid, Merriam! That girl is sneaking around behind our backs, and you're willing to defend her for love? She's probably already lost her chastity to him, anyways...I guess we have no choice." What were they talking about? My mind raced with the horrible possibilities. Were they going to kill me?

Sell me to a brothel? Or worse, marry me off?

"Y-yes, dear...I'll contact them immediately." My mother walked out of the house, not even glancing at me.

"Elizabeth! Come at once!" I shook with fear and walked as gracefully as possible into the sitting room.

"Yes, father?" He motioned for me to sit down, and I did.

"With all our searching, we still have not managed to find anyone suitable for you, my lovely little flower. We almost had one on the line, but he slipped away after the rumours started. Let me be frank, my dear. No one will want you unless he is unchaste himself." I frowned on the outside, but on the inside, I was glowing. Maybe I wouldn't have to marry at all.

"But, that leaves only one person that we know of. That ridiculous Van Dort boy." I covered my mouth. If he wasn't the one they were speaking of, then who...

"There is another, but I would never allow you to associate with Barkis Bittern again. Not after what he did to you." I tilted my head to the side. Perhaps it was best if I agreed.

"Well, father...how did you find out?" He gritted his teeth and gripped the sofa.

"He came to me and told me in vivid, horrid detail what he had done to you. He wanted to beg your hand on plea that you may be in the family way. Of course, I assured him that my daughter could not POSSIBLY be with child. My precious darling..." His voice and hands were shaking now.

"You know what I have to do. I must purge the sin from your body." I stood, frozen, as he pulled the horse crop from behind his armchair. I let out a sharp cry and tried to run. He grabbed my arm forcefully, hard enough to bruise, and his hand whipped across my face. I felt the blood trickle down my chin, my lip puffing up.

"Get your stupid arse onto the sofa." I laid on the sofa, on my stomach. This was not my first whipping. He began to hit me with it repeatedly as I screamed.

"Father, stop! Father, please!" The beating did not stop for what seemed like hours. When he was finally finished, he pointed to the wall.

"Get over there." I looked at him, confused and teary-eyed.

"I said get over there!" I quickly stumbled to the wall, facing him. He ambled towards me, and took a good hard slug into my stomach. I screamed and crumpled onto the floor.

"Get up!" I stood again, bracing myself.

"Wh-what was that for, father?" He hit me again, harder. I felt something crack.

"It was to make sure you are fully aware of the seriousness of the situation!" He ended every few words with a swift kick to my side. Someone banged on the door.

"E-excuse me? Mr. Wainscott?" My father wiped his bloody hands on his kerchief and went to answer the door. I snuck upstairs to change my dress and clean my cuts.

Soon, I heard my father's shouts from downstairs.

"What in heaven's name are you talking about?! My daughter is fine! Upstairs, sleeping!" I took the hint, and laid under my blankets, trying my best to hide my split lip. Three or four pairs of footsteps came into my room.

"See? She's sound asleep! Now leave, before you wake her!" Someone walked to the bed, and I cringed, expecting a sharp smack. Instead, someone pulled the covers from my face. I heard someone gasp.

"Mr. Wainscott. I believe your daughter will be coming with us."

I had opened my eyes to see a rather plump woman and a tall, scrawny man. They helped me out to a carriage, where I was seated quite uncomfortably next to the woman.

"Elizabeth, my name is Nell. Nell Van Dort. This is my husband, William." he stared out the window, and she smacked him in the stomach with her fan.

"Hm? Oh yes, it's a pleasure." I smiled weakly, my mouth still bloody and raw. She took off a woolen shawl and placed it around my shoulders.

"Th-thank you, Mrs. Van Dort... I don't know how I could repay you for saving me." She smiled and nudged her husband.

"There was one thing we were hoping for." I cocked an eyebrow and straightened up as best as I could with the throbbing pain in my side.

"My darling little Victor is hopeless with women. We've found him so many good ones, but they all run away. He just never shows any interest in them. You, on the other hand, seem to have snuck into his life and made off with his heart." I blinked a few times. Sure, me and Victor were good friends and all...but stealing his heart? I was too ordinary to do anything of that nature.

"So, what you're saying is..." She smiled and put her hand on mine.

"We want you to marry Victor."

In the space of five minutes, my life was turned completely upside down. My father accused me of sleeping with Barkis Bittern, he beat me to a pulp, and now I've been asked to marry my childhood friend, Victor Van Dort.

"I couldn't possibly...What about um...what about Victoria Everglott?" They looked at each other.

"She wouldn't marry the son of a fish merchant. Her parents denied us, sent us into the cold." I thought, my hand on my chin.

"Emily Smith?"

"Dead as a doornail." My eyes widened.

"No way." They both grimaced.

"Yes, she disappeared into the night with her family jewels. She's probably been murdered."

I put my hand over my mouth. Surely Miss Smith was smarter than that?

"Then what about the foreign girl, Nina Amase?" Mr. Van Dort looked like he was about to agree with me, but Nell stuck her nose in the air.

"We would never lower ourselves to her standard of living." That was...blunt. Sure, the Amases didn't really have it all, but she was a nice girl. Oh. That's why they wanted me. My money.


End file.
